Everybody knows about Santa Claus, right? But did you know that his nickname is now the “Wireless Wonder?”
It all started about a year ago, when things were a bit out of whack up at the North Pole. All the hammering and sawing, toy assembly, gift wrapping, and other frantic tasks were giving Santa a bad case of heartburn. And there were more presents than ever to be delivered. Plus, there were going to be quite a few new stops for Santa to make on Christmas Eve. On top of all that, Santa’s elves were struggling to meet numerous last-minute demands from all the little girls and boys around the world. Unfortunately, with all the commotion going on, no one could figure out how to effectively communicate with each other.
Santa’s flustered state was rapidly turning to frustration, and that’s when Mrs. Claus stepped in. “Your communications department is a mess,” she said, wiping her hands on her apron after removing a batch of sugar cookies from the oven. “Here, let me have one of those,” Santa said, reaching over to help himself. As quick as a flash, Mrs. Claus popped Santa’s hand and said, “Stay away from my cookies! You solve your communications problems first, and then you can have some.” Miffed by having his hand popped, Santa plopped down in his favorite easy chair in disgust and mumbled, “But we don’t have a communications department.” Mrs. Claus retorted, “That’s precisely the problem,” as she shoved another tray of cookies into the oven.
Because it had grown so big over the years, Santa’s workshop had become nearly impossible to manage. Early one morning in the first part of December of last year, Santa had been rudely awakened by Ralph, the head elf, who announced to the jolly old man that he was quitting. “What do you expect me to do?” he had shouted at Santa. “I can’t keep yelling from one end of the workshop to the other! I tried that when we ran out of lumber, and now we have twice as much paint as we need! And I have to run around to each station to see who’s producing what. I mean, I only have two feet, you know!”
Well, when Mrs. Claus heard that Ralph was quitting, she knew it would lead to a catastrophe. Whatever Ralph did, the other elves would also do in short order. That meant no Christmas, and that just couldn’t happen. Always a worrisome person, Mrs. Claus paced back and forth in her kitchen, praying for a miracle. That’s when she heard a ruckus out on the front lawn. Peering from behind the window sash, she stared in amazement. All the elves were gathered around a massive yellow Hummer as the driver (me, Wireless Woman) jumped out. Hurriedly, Mrs. Claus left Santa to his pondering, put on her shawl, and went outside to see what was happening.
“Are you sure this thing will solve our communications problems?” Ralph asked, staring at the new Motorola MOTOTRBO digital two-way radio in his hands. “You betcha!” I replied. “Look, it’s got GPS, which makes it easy for the bearded wonder to find all those new addresses. You can send text messages, too, or you can just use it like a standard two-way radio to talk to the other elves whenever you need to. It’s like a walkie-talkie on steroids!”
“Santa will never go for it,” one of the older elves said. “Oh yes, he will,” Mrs. Claus injected, flashing her American Express card. “We need at least six of those things right now, young lady!” Another elf cried, “But Santa’s gonna explode when he sees the bill!” “No, he won’t,” Mrs. Claus said. “I don’t just bake cookies. Who do you think pays the bills around here? And besides, with the good price I’ll get from BearCom, I’ll have money left over to bake some more cookies!” With that, all the elves roared their approval.
Well, it’s been exactly a year now since Santa’s communications department was born at the North Pole. Ralph didn’t quit, and things began to go a lot smoother at the workshop. And all the deliveries for all the little children around the world were made on time, thanks to me, BearCom, and Santa’s new Motorola MOTOTRBO radios.
Best of all, Santa finally got his sugar cookies, as well as a new nickname: the Wireless Wonder!